Hiding Their Hearts
by Nerwen Aldarion
Summary: Sara and Grissom let their boudaries down, but Grissom feels terrible afterwards. Sara decides to leave, before she has another heartbreak. But something happens that makes it impossible for her to forget him. GSR
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI, I just love the characters

A/N: I am going to update Busted and When A Lab Rat's Bored soon, just this story has been on my mind lately and to get my head cranking for ideas on the other two, I decided to write it.

* * *

Sara stepped into the shower and let the hot water gently cleanse her body of the grime and dirt she faced everyday at work. If only there was a way to cleanse the heart of impurities, of romances that have never come to be.

No I'm not going to think about that, I'm not going to think about him.

Instead she began to list the things she was going to have to do that day, get dressed, go shopping, sleep, day dream about her boss.

She groaned, that always happened, she would be thinking about something else and he would creep into her mind. He was always doing something, saying something that showed he cared for her too, but then would immediately act as if nothing happened, as if she didn't matter. She silently begged for something to happen that he could not turn his back on her, something that forced him to admit his true feelings for her.

She got out of the shower and silently dressed. She had just taken the towel out of her hair when somebody knocked on the door. She peeked through the peep hole, to her utter shock, Grissom stood outside of her door. She felt those familiar butterflies start flying around in her stomach, what was he doing here? She opened the door for him.

"Uh hi." She said nervously.

"Hi." He replied his eye were on her wet hair, which he thought looked very..., well sexy wet.

"Um, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"You, uh left your cell phone at the office." He told as he showed her her phone.

"Oh, thank you." She tucked one of her wet strands behind her ear, "Would you like to come in?" why did I just say that, she thought. Because you love him and you want him to love you. I don't... oh great I'm arguing with my self.

"Sure." Did he just say that? In her nervousness she forgot about her cell phone which he still had.

She closed the door behind him, silently hoping that they could talk or maybe something would happen, the one thing that would cause him to realize he needed her as much as she needed him. Whatever that thing is.

She realized her hair was still wet, "I know, look like a mess." she said desperately trying not to sound like a nervous school girl.

"You look...fine, you look...clean." Okay, did he just say I looked clean?

"Clean...uh thank you I think."

"You think?'

"Well Grissom, generally when you give compliments you don't say things that are that obvious." "Like I look clean because I just got out of the shower."

He seemed to think about it, while she looked away, wondering if that day was going to be as big of a disaster as she thought.

"Well I guess I can't say you look beautiful then." He said out of the blue.

"What?"

"I can't say you're beautiful because you obviously are." Her eyes grew wide an all she could do was stare at him.

"Well anyways, here's your cell phone." He said as he held it out for her.

"Hold on, you just said I'm beautiful."

"Sara...I"

"You said I was beautiful." He remained silent; oh no she wasn't going to let him get away with this one.

"Why are you here?" she asked him.

"I came to bring you your cell phone." He was obviously confused.

"Why are you really here?"

"Sara, I don't know what you are saying."

"You could have given it to me at work."

"I thought you might have needed it."

"Did you?" "Or did you just want to have and excuse to come here." She stepped closer to him. She was affecting him, she could tell.

"Sara please just take it." He begged. He knew that if she came any closer that he was going to do something that he probably shouldn't do. She walked closer and grabbed the cell phone and his hand. She stared into his deep blue eyes, begging him to stop being afraid to love her.

"Sara...don't." he whispered. She was hacking down the wall he had built so carefully over the years. Breaking it down as if it was nothing.

"You think I'm beautiful." She whispered as she leaned in close to him, she felt his breath on her face. Then she kissed him, short yet meaningful it left her begging for more. His mind left him, all he could think and feel was her. All he wanted was her. He kissed her; this one was longer and more passionate. They only stopped when their lungs demanded it and soon things were getting out of control. She saw where it was going, dropping her cell phone on the coffee table and grabbing his hand, she led him towards the bedroom.

* * *

Grissom was laying next Sara, who was asleep. He was smiling as he gently ran his fingers softly up and down her back. She had finally done it, finally got him to accomplish his dreams.

But why did he feel this way, why did he feel like he made a mistake. Because he had, he realized, she doesn't deserve me, there are too many complications, and she deserved someone better who could give her more than he could. It would hurt him deeply, but he had to.

He was able to find the things he needed to write out the note. He looked at her after he finished writing; he almost tore it up because no matter what he had written, he did love her, even if he never told her. It's for the best he reminded himself, and placed it by her pillow. He leaned over and kissed her temple, just so he could feel her smooth skin one last time. Then he left.

* * *

Sara woke up with a smile on her face. They had made love; there was no way he could turn back now. That was when she noticed that she did not feel him next to her. She reached over and instead of feeling his warm presence she felt a piece of paper. Her stomach filled with dread. Maybe it's nothing, maybe he had to leave so he left a note explaining where he has gone. Maybe it's a love letter. It read:

_Sara,_

_I believe you and I both realize what happened between us was a mistake._

_We should forget what happened and continue to be friends._

_It's all for the best._

The tears began to fall as she threw it across the room.

"Why?" she sobbed, "Why can't I just love him? Why does it always end this way?"

She buried her face into her pillow and emptied herself of her tears.

* * *

A/N: Here I am crying, don't worry it gets better, pleasepleaseplease Reveiw.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI obviously

A/N: I know I have been a very bad girl and have not updated latley, but my real life beckons me away from my computer much to often for my taste. I'm sorry if I mad any one cry like I did when I wrote the first chapter, I hope noone crys like I did when I wrote the second shpter. Third chappie coming soon and the next one is going to be really good.

* * *

Catherine walked into the break room intent on one thing, coffee. She saw Nick sitting at the table, talking on his cell phone. He closed it and looked up at Catherine,

"Sara called, said she wasn't feeling well. She's going to stay home tonight."

"Sara, sick, that certainly isn't normal."

"Yeah, but there is a first time for everything, will you do me the favor and tell Griss."

"OK, better tell him now or I'll miss him, he's leaving for that seminar soon."

"Grissom is going to a seminar?"

"He's only been talking about it for weeks. You didn't know that."

"I kind of tune him out when he starts talking about bugs and stuff that is not related to a case."

"Don't we all, except Sara that is."

* * *

In his office, her boss was sitting behind his desk. If she didn't know any better, she would say that he looked flustered, but what would cause Grissom to get so weird.

"Hey, Sara called in sick; let's pray it's a slow night."

He barely acknowledged her, his mind was definitely on other matters.

"Earth to Grissom, what's got you acting so strange."

"What?" he said, finally noticing she was there.

"What is with you, you look like you did something wrong."

"I'm fine; I'm just worried about the seminar I guess."

"OK." She said, since when was Grissom ever worried about a seminar?

* * *

After shift, Catherine went home and was able to get a few hours of sleep and get Lindsay off to school. She remembered the paperwork she needed, now that she was going to be supervisor for a couple of weeks, because of Grissom's seminar. She found the papers in his office but an envelope on his desk caught her stare. The envelope was laid atop of a resignation form. The name Sara Sidle was printed neatly at the top, Grissom's name was on the envelope in Sara's handwriting.

"I guess she wasn't sick." Catherine said aloud, and headed towards her car.

She drove towards Sara's apartment, muttering curses. What did he do now, that doesn't matter I, hope it is something another plant can fix. I wish he was here so I could rip his head off, she thought, can't he just kiss her, I'm tired of picking up the pieces of this relationship.

She walked up to Sara's door, and knocked on it. Waiting for her to answer it. The pretty brunette was surprised to see Catherine there.

"Hi, I was in the neighborhood and realized I have never seen your apartment, so I decided to stop by," sarcasm was evident in Catherine's voice as she barged in.

The living room was full of unpacked and packed boxes.

"It's nice I just didn't expect it to be so...empty."

Sara had watched her wordlessly, she had been to surprised that Catherine would come here. The two were close at work, because they were the only two women their, they'd even talked sometimes about their personal lives. Sara had hoped that they could become good friends, but that dream had faded away now that she was leaving.

"Catherine, what are you really doing here?"

"I saw the note you left Grissom."

"You didn't read it, did you?"

"No, but I do want to know why you feel like you need to leave."

Sara looked down at her feet, "My friend, Teresa, her husband died a month ago, I'm going to go see her."

Catherine wasn't an idiot, "You now if you had said that a month ago, I actually might have believed you. What's going on between you and Grissom?"

Sara walked towards the bar; she obviously did not want to talk about it. Catherine noticed that she seemed to be blinking back tears.

"You can tell me Sara." She said in a comforting voice.

Sara handed her the note Grissom had left her. Catherine read it and she was obviously confused, "Sara what exactly happened between you two?"

Sara turned and looked at her, "I slept with him."

"You what!!!"

"You heard me."

She is kidding right, no she isn't kidding, Catherine had never been more shocked in her life.

"I need to sit down," Catherine told her before perching herself on top of a packed box.

"How did this happen, I mean I would really like to know because I have been trying to get you two together since the beginning of time."

Sara took a deep breath; she couldn't lie about it, not since Grissom decided to. "

He came over yesterday; I had left my cell phone at the lab. I had just gotten out of the shower, I invited him in. I told him I looked like a mess, he said I looked clean."

Catherine snorted,

"I know," Sara continued smiling a little, "Bad compliment, which is exactly what I told him, I told him you don't give compliments that are that obvious. Then he said that he couldn't say I was beautiful, because he said that I obviously was."

Sara grew tender, as she remembered the words he said.

"Who knew he had it in him to say something like that," Catherine interjected, "What happened next?"

"He tried to leave, I wouldn't let him, I wanted to know why he was here, but he never really answered. Then I kissed him and...and he kissed me back,"

Tears began to form in her eyes,

"One thing led to another. I woke up and he was gone, except he left that note."

She pointed to the slip of paper Catherine held in her hands. She looked down at it, suddenly everything was clear, why Grissom had been acting so strange. She looked at Sara who had her head down, silently crying.

"Men are such a disappointment," Catherine said, trying to elicit a smile, "Something like this happens and they freak out." She sobered, "Sara, you don't have to leave."

"Yes I do, you don't understand, I can't do it Catherine, I can't go on like nothing happened, I can't be just friends. I love him."

"He'll see that eventually, but if you leave he may never see it."

"I'm tired of taking one step forward and two steps back. I had hoped that something would happen to make him realize that I love him, but now I know he never will." "What am I supposed to do, I have tried everything, I've flirted with him, I've tried to catch his attention by doing outrageous things, and now I have slept with him and he still doesn't realize all I want to do is be with him."

Catherine was silent, what more was their to say, she was right, what else could Sara do, even if she told him the truth, he would probably tell her to stop thinking like that and find someone else.

Catherine was defeated, "What are you going to do?" she whispered.

"I wasn't lying about my friend, Teresa, her husband did die a month ago, she and I were roommates, I'm going to see her."

"Where is she?"

"I'm not going to tell you because you'll turnaround and tell Grissom." She smiled a little, she was right.

"Call me, please, tell me how you are doing."

"I'll do that if you promise not to tell the guys, about what happened, I don't want anyone else to know."

"Alright, bye Sara."

"Good-bye Catherine."

* * *

A week later, Sara turned her head away from the window of the plane. She did not want to leave; Las Vegas had become her home. She felt the wheels of the aircraft roll as they started away from the gate; she did not look out the window because if she did not watch the city fade away, maybe she would never really leave.

The hours ticked away, and soon they were landing in Boston. Teresa was waiting for her at the gate, Teresa looked almost exactly the same since college, except that she looked a little worn, having kids could do that to you. It was Teresa she had spent four years of her life living in the same dorm together, Teresa that she had first confessed that she had a crush on Dr. Grissom, the scientist giving the forensics lecture.

After college the two had remained close, she had been the maid of honor at Teresa's wedding. She had been so happy to hear of Teresa's children. She had told Teresa everything, her love for Grissom, had long since been spilled. Teresa was the first person she called after Grissom had left her after the one time they spent together. Both had lost men they loved, Teresa's husband died in a car crash and Sara's had never really loved her.

They stared at each other for a moment, and then hugged, which quickly brought tears. "I'm sorry about Ryan," Sara began, "I should have come sooner."

"I'm glad you're here now, I'm sorry about Grissom."

"Me too."

And they hugged and cried again. Finally they were able to make it to Teresa's cozy house. Sara went into the guest room quietly in order not to wake Teresa's kids, five year old Vanessa, and two month old Ryan. Sara closed the door behind her and didn't come out for a long time.

* * *

Grissom walked into the CSI lab. He was feeling better, more in control. A couple of week's away from Sara was what he had needed. She was probably angry at him, but by now he was sure she saw his way of things and knew that his decision was for the best. Catherine was walking towards him, "Hey how was the seminar?"

"Great, how have things been here?"

"OK, Nick and Warrick are on a robbery."

"Really, where is Sara?"

"We need to talk about that."

They made it to his office; he sat down behind his desk and looked at the pile of paperwork that had grown since he had left. Underneath it all he found the letter and the form. He did not say a word as he stared at the resignation form; he silently opened the letter,

_Grissom,_

_I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I can't do this any more. I can't turn my back on it like you can. You are right it was a mistake. I have to go, please don't come after me. I hope you find someone else, someone you are not afraid to love. Soon are one time together will be a memory, I'll be a name that will come up in your head sometimes. I'll never forget you. Sleeping with you was the best mistake I ever made._

_Sara._

He folded it back up, tears were in his eyes. He looked up at Catherine, "I really screwed up this time didn't I?"

"Yeah you did." Her voice was unsympathetic, "What were you thinking; you can't just walk out on someone like that."

"I was worried about what people would think of her."

"You should have let her worry about that."

"You don't understand, people would have talked, they would believe that she was just trying to sleep her way to the top."

"Grissom people are already talking and you want to know what they are saying. They are saying that you and Sara are perfect for each other. They are saying that if there is such a thing as true love that it is you two."

He lowered his head, he had been a fool, and he knew that now. But he was too late.

"Are you going to be OK." She asked.

"Yeah, just give me a minute."

Catherine silently left, only then did he let the tears fall.

* * *

:-( This story tears my heart out, but it will get happier. Next Chapter soon, please review and it will come sooner. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Blahblahblahblahblah

A/N: OK, I am obsessed, as soon as I finished the second chapter I went on and wrote the third, so I guess today I felt generous. This story is very close to my heart and this is my favorite chapter, so please tell me how you like it.

* * *

The next couple of weeks were a blur to Sara, it seemed like all she did was eat, sleep, mope and cry, mostly mope and cry. Teresa left her alone; she understood what it was like to lose someone you love. But she was worried about her, she knew her husband Ryan had loved her, but Sara had reason to believe Grissom didn't care whether she lived or died.

She remembered when Sara dragged herself out of the guest room for the first time. Her eyes were red and puffy and she looked terrible.

"How are you doing?" Teresa had asked her.

Sara didn't answer; she just looked up at her friend.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No," she sighed, "Can you hate someone, love someone, and miss someone all at the same time?"

"Yes." She stated.

"Well that's how I feel about him."

Sara had started coming out of her room more often, she stopped crying every five minutes but she would choke up if something reminded her of him. Teresa was there for her, giving her a shoulder to cry on, she had gone through the same thing when Ryan had died, and even now she would cry when she remembered him. Sara was beginning to move on, but Teresa had a feeling, Sara would never truly be over him.

* * *

That morning Sara slept in, for the second time that week. She sat up in her bed, but then quickly lay back down, she felt really really dizzy and her stomach was twisted in knots. She slowly inched her way out of bed, if she moved to quickly she knew she would have to move faster to get to the bathroom.

She was able to make her way to the kitchen where Teresa was making scrambled eggs for breakfast. Food anything but the smell of food.

"Hey, you want some..."

Sara was already tearing down the hall towards the bathroom, the sound of puking coming from behind the closed door.

"Well she liked them yesterday," She joked and went to go check on her friend.

Sara was curled up on the floor, moaning. She felt horrible, as soon as Teresa walked in Sara had another attack and quickly emptied her stomach into the toilet.

"You OK?" Teresa asked."

"Ugh, I haven't thrown up this much since Liquid Man."

"Liquid Man?"

"Yeah, he was a homeless guy, who was killed and put into a bag, he wasn't found until the gases in his body had caused everything but his bones to become liquid."

"Sara, the sound of that makes me feel like vomiting."

Sara laughed a little, which turned into a groan. "What did you eat that caused you to get sick like this?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary, I must have caught a virus or something."

"I'll probably be sick next. Want to go to the drug store and get something."

"No I think I'll stay here, where I can puke in peace."

"OK."

"It's a shame I was going to go to the lab here in Boston, and hand in my resume, and maybe look for and apartment, but suddenly I don't feel like it."

"No you are staying here."

"Yes mom."

Teresa, left Sara to go get dressed, Sara had laughed that was progress.

* * *

By the afternoon, Sara was feeling better, well she was still nauseated and dizzy but at least she could keep some of the food down.

"Maybe I'll be able to go to the lab tomorrow."

* * *

But the next morning Sara once again ran to the bathroom. Teresa was worried; she was worried that it was something other than a virus.

"Ugh, Teresa, I have never had a virus this bad, I hardly ever get sick."

"Sara, I think you're pregnant." Teresa blurted out.

Sara turned to her friend in shock, "What? No, I can't be."

"Sara, think about it, you are tired all of the time, you get sick in the mornings, you're dizzy, have you checked your cycle, you might be late..."

"Teresa, I'm not pregnant, I mean there is just no way."

"Sara, you do realize that if you are..."

"I'm not."

"It would be Grissom's."

Sara glared at her friend, "I. Am. Not. Pregnant." And then she stormed out of the living room.

* * *

Only in the safety of her room did she allow herself to cry. She pulled out her calendar and looked at the days, did some careful calculation in her head. Her heart sank; her period was a week late. Her cycle was one thing that she could always count on being regular and now it had failed her.

There is an explanation, there has to be. Just because, Grissom and her hadn't used protection does not mean a thing. I'm not pregnant, she told herself again and again. She had to convince herself.

* * *

When Sara walked out of the bathroom, Teresa stood in her way. She stuck pregnancy test in her face.

"Take it."

"No."

"Fine, take two," she said holding up a second one.

"No."

"Just take the stupid test to be sure."

"I...no I can't." Sara said as she walked into the living room.

"Sara, just take it, if you are right then it will come back negative."

"No!"

"Sara, why not, what are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid that you're right, and if you are then what would I do then?"

"Sara, take it, it's the only way to be sure."

* * *

Sara closed the door of the bathroom behind her. Her heart pounded. She looked at the test in her hand.

This is easy she told herself, plus for positive and minus for negative, easy enough to remember.

She performed the procedure and set the test to the side, she didn't look at it. She quietly washed her hands, and stared at herself in the mirror.

This is it, she thought, you just pick it up and look at it.

She picked it up but still did not let her eyes wander towards the answer. She turned her back to the mirror.

Please be minus; please be minus she silently begged. She looked at it, please be minus.

Plus.

"No," she whispered, "Please lord no."

She sank down to her knees, the positive test still clutched in her hands. She bent her head as sobs wracked her body. Tears fell down her face.

She couldn't deny it any more. She was pregnant.

With Grissom's child.

* * *

A/N: How do you like it so far, don't worry I'm far from over,and if your reviews are generous the fourth chapter will come out much quicker. Those who can guess what happens next, I'll try and send you the fourth chapter in advanced. 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer, blah blah blah blahddy blah blah

A/N: Here it is, thatnks for all of the reviews

* * *

Teresa was sitting on the window seat, idly waiting for her friend to come out of the bathroom. Sara had been in their for too long, Teresa had a feeling that the answer to the test was not going to be what Sara expected.

Sara walked out of the bathroom like a zombie; she sat down next to Teresa. She stared straight ahead, except she wasn't really seeing anything.

Teresa turned to look at Sara, "Lets see it."

Without saying a word, Sara handed the test to her. Teresa pursed her lips once she saw the positive sign, she sighed, "I can't say I'm surprised."

Sara looked down at her feet, tears slipped down her cheeks. "This can't be happening," she whispered.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know Teresa." She turned her sad brown eyes, glistening with tears towards her friend, "What do you think I should do."

"You should tell him."

"Tell Grissom? Are you crazy?" Sara said as she jumped up.

"You have to tell him sometime Sara; you're going to have his child."

"I know, but I can't let him know that, I can't let him break my heart again."

Teresa just looked at her friend; Sara's tears ran rivers down her cheeks. She sat back down and hung her head, sobs racked her body.

"Look at me Teresa, I'm no mother. I could tell you the types of hormones that have been released but I can't tell you the first thing of how to raise a child."

"I still think you should tell him."

"No." she whispered, "I don't have the courage too."

"You should talk to somebody, call Catherine or Nick or Warrick or any of your other friends from Las Vegas."

"Why?"

"Because you need to talk to someone close to him."

* * *

Catherine was in the Break Room alone, pulling on overtime on a double homicide. She was reading over the evidence again, she had felling that this case was going to remain unsolved, unless Greg's replacement got her her results soon. She smiled when she remembered Greg's pleasure at becoming a CSI level 1, he had been hoping to become one for so long and he did his job well, granted no one expected him to be promoted so soon.

At that moment her cell phone chirped to life.

"Willows," she answered, instead of somebody identifying themselves she heard the distinct sound of someone crying. "Hello?" she asked again.

"Catherine, it's me, Sara"

Catherine couldn't believe it, "Sara, I'm so glad to hear from you, what's wrong?"

Sara still was crying, "Can you just give me a minute?"

"Yeah sure," she replied.

They were silent for a moment except for the sound of Sara's tears, finally Catherine broke the ice. "Things are going well here, Grissom finally let Greg become a CSI." "You should have seen him; he was jumping all over the place."

Sara laughed a little, she figured that the former lab rat had probably bragged to every woman he saw thinking his new job would spring a date.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong now?"

Sara was silent for a moment, "Catherine, I'm pregnant."

The papers Catherine had been holding slipped from her grasp. "It's Grissom's isn't it?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Sara, I'm here at work I can go get him and"

"No Catherine."

"He needs to know."

"No!" "You can't tell him, if sleeping with me scared him so much imagine what it would be like if he found out that I was pregnant too."

"You've got a point there." Catherine said, she hated this arrangement but It was not her place to tell Grissom the truth. "What are you going to do?"

"I honestly don't know."

"Please, call me again; don't make me wait three more weeks to hear how you are doing."

"Ok." They said their respective good-byes and hung up. Catherine felt like the world was collapsing around her. How could two people, who were so right for each other, mess things up so wrong?

* * *

Sara had stayed in her guest room that day; her mind was spinning faster and faster. What was she going to do? Abortion was not an option, she had solved too many crimes in which a baby was killed, and she wasn't going to become one of those killers.

She thought about adoption. Could she give up a part of her, something that had been with her for 9months? Could she turn her back on it and never think of it again?

When night came she was still wide awake. Instead of thinking about the decision she must make, her thoughts had turned to the incredible truth. She was carrying Grissom's child. A part of the man she had loved for so long was snuggled up in her womb and being lulled to sleep by the beating of her heart.

She began to think about the one time they had let the barriers down. It had been a moment of passion, but sweet at the same time. She longed to travel back in time and recapture the time she was truly happy. Who had known that while they were making love, they were making life? She missed him so much, why couldn't he just love her.

Tears stung her eyes for the millionth time that day. The startling truth came to her like a slap in the face. He just did not love her. But did she believe that? No. A small part of her still grasped at the hope that he would come back some day.

"I can't do it Grissom," she whispered to him even though they were thousands of miles apart, "I can't let you go and I can't let a part of you go either."

She was going to keep the baby, and then she would show the world she could go on without him.

* * *

A/N: I enjoyed writing the ending I hope yu liked reading it, please review next chapter soon.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: In a perfect world I am Sara Sidle, and in that world Grissom and Sara are together, but this world is far from perfect so I am not Sara and do nto own them sigh

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Kimmuriyel and Miranda 2 for threatening me to continue, I love you guys.

I will say that this story came to mind after I read Laredo Grissom's story "Her" and Moggie's story "Given A Chance" I love both of those stories but there were somethings I wished wer diffrent so I thought combine them and make a story like theirs into my own, this is that story.

If any of you have seen the new episodes of season 5 tell me how they were, alas I am in Singapore and am still watching reruns of season 4

* * *

Sara sat in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs that were in the waiting room. After telling Teresa of her decision she had called a doctor for a Sonogram. Now here she sat waiting for her turn to come.

Her mind drifted to the events that had happened earlier that morning. She had called her parents to tell them about the baby, they had argued again and the conversation had ended with Sara slamming down the receiver and muttering a few four letter words.

She had also called Catherine to tell her of her decision; Catherine had tried to get her to call Grissom. Like that was going to happen. She knew that she should tell him but her head reminded her of what heartache felt like, she didn't want to take that risk again.

She nervously chewed her nails, would things be okay with the baby, would she be okay?

"So how are you feeling right now?" Teresa asked.

"My stomach is turning into knots, I don't know if it is nerves or morning sickness."

She looked up to see Teresa with a video camera pointed straight at her, "Turn that thing off."

"Awww but it's your first sonogram, you'll want to look back on this."  
"Just turn it off; you're making me even more nervous."

"Sara Sidle." The nurse called.

"That's you." Teresa said.

"I know my name, I'm just not so sure that I want to go in there."

"Are you having second thoughts?"

"I'm just worried something will be wrong."

"All mothers worry that, but there's only one way to find out."

* * *

Sara nervously sat down onto the examination table. She hated the hospital gown that they had forced her into. Teresa was standing off to the side, video camera in hand again, no matter how much she begged she couldn't get her to turn the stupid thing off. Doctor Zellen walked in.

"So how we feeling mom, any morning sickness?" He asked.

"Yeah a lot actually." She replied.

"I know when my wife got pregnant she was running to the bathroom every five minuets."

"Can we just get this over with?" She snapped, her heart had ached at the word wife.

"Ok just put you're feet in these stirrups and we can get this show on the road."

She hated the way her body was positioned now that her legs were stuck in the metal cuffs they called stirrup.

Dr. Zellen spread the cold jelly over her stomach and set up the fetal monitor.

"Ok your baby should be right about...here."

The screen was very dark, but Sara saw a tiny little peanut on the screen. Her heart melted when she saw the baby, her baby. She couldn't help but gaze lovingly at the blurry picture, she smiled and her fears melted away.

* * *

Sara and Teresa now sat at a small restaurant, the left over remains of sandwiches rested on the plates. Sara was staring at the picture of her unborn child, looking upon it with a mother's loving gaze.

An old friend of Teresa's dead husband Ryan's father owned the restaurant. Teresa was very much like a daughter to Sam Rollins and he had to stop by to talk.

"Hey Sam, how are you doing?" Teresa asked.

"Just fine, what about you."

"I'm doing alright; this is my old college roommate Sara Sidle."

"It is a pleasure to meet you," Sara told the gentlemen.

"Nice to meet you too."

Sara vaguely listened as the man named Sam carried on a conversation with Teresa, she was wrapped up in her thoughts about money. Money was going to be tough to get without a job, it's not like she could apply for a job at the Boston lab, and with her being pregnant they would laugh her out the door.

Suddenly her stomach tied itself in knots. She felt her lunch rising fast,

"Excuse me." She said hurriedly as she raced towards the sign marked restroom.

"Um," Sam asked, "Is she alright?"

"She's fine, it's just morning sickness." Teresa wished she could take back the words; Sara was going to kill her for blurting it out.

"Oh so she's pregnant, her husband must be thrilled."

"Uh...yeah he is." She said guiltily.

Sam turned and gave her a stern glare, his eyes telling her that he was calling her bluff.

"Sara isn't exactly married."

"Uh huh, so what exactly is she."

Now Teresa was angry, "Look she isn't a bad person, she didn't make a mistake. She fell in love with her boss, they slept together once and the jerk left her. Now she is completely miserable and blames herself for getting pregnant, if you have a problem with love, then you better go talk to your wife."

Teresa surprised herself with what she said; she had just scolded a father figure in her late husbands and her own life! "I'm sorry; I didn't mean it that way..."

"No Teresa, you are right, I assumed too much. I know that you are a good girl and any friend of yours must be special, I'm just a small town man with a small town mind."

Teresa smiled a little.

"Is it really like that, does she blame herself."

"Yes, she fell for him hard and he broke her heart into a million pieces, the baby means so much to her. But there are complications, she can't get a job because of the baby, and there is the expense, plus she is too afraid to tell him about the baby."

Sam thought for a moment, "Look, I could use some help around here, this place is expanding and the help here gets good money. Enough at least to start on."

"No Sam, Sara does not take charity."

"I'm not asking to give charity, I'm asking do you think that she'll want the job, it's the least I can do for assuming that she was a...well...a party animal is what you kids call it now a days."

"Well you'll have to ask her about the job yourself."

* * *

Sara finally returned from the rest room, her eyes watering a little, sucking a breath mint. Would she ever be able to keep a meal down? She heard Teresa and Sam talking about a job, she wondered why.

"Ask who about what job?"

"Miss...Sidle wasn't it? I was wondering if you would like a job here at the diner."

Her eyes turned towards her friend, one look at Teresa's green eyes told her enough.

"I...I don't know."

"Do you have any prior experience?"

"Does growing up in a bed and breakfast count?"

"More than enough, do you want the job?"

"It's just...I don't think I'm cut out to be a waitress."

Sam studied the woman's gaze, "Teresa tells me that you could use the money."

Her friend was going to get it, "Yes, but you don't want someone like me, get somebody who isn't going to have a baby."

"Actually a pregnant person is good for business, the customers tip more that way."

Sara wasn't so sure, but then again she was used to finding statistics about what the most common way to hide a body was.

"Look, when you get too far a long I'll put you on register duty so that you won't have to lift too much weight, and then you can quit and after the baby is born go back to the job you always do."

Sara had to admit, tips were tips and she needed all the money she could get, and the offer was a good one.

"When should I start?"

* * *

"Why did you do that?" Sara asked as she and Teresa headed for the car.

"Do what?"

"Tell him about the baby?"

"It slipped out, and you even said it yourself, you need the money."

"I have some in the bank, if I'm careful I should have enough."

"Sara you know just as well as me that you are going to need more then just enough."

She remained silent, her eyes were filled with pain, "He thinks that I am a hooker doesn't he."

"He did at first but I told him off."

She sighed, "I guess I'm not much better than one, I'm just stupid me."

Teresa turned and stared at her friend, a look of shock on her face, "Sara don't say things like that, and you are a very smart person."

"Teresa, I fell in love with my boss, seduced him and then got pregnant because of it, yeah I'm a real genius."

"Falling in love is not under your control, and what is with you?"

"I don't know, sometimes I hate Grissom, I get so angry I want to scream, other times I miss him so much that I am tempted to catch the next plane to Vegas."

"Now that is the hormones talking," Teresa smiled. The smile was contagious be cause the corner of Sara's lips raised a little.

"Just remember that you have a baby on the way, children are a blessing and even if you cannot bear to tell the father that the baby exists, this child will love you."

* * *

Sara's first couple of weeks at work went smoothly; her morning sickness began to lessen. Becoming a waitress again reminded her of the days when she was a teenager helping out in the B & B.

She didn't talk much with Sam, she mostly kept to herself, she felt uncomfortable around people naturally and being a single pregnant mother only made it worse.

One night at closing time, Sara was wiping down the table, idly listening to the news. The words Las Vegas Crime Lab and Gil Grissom came to her ears.

Sam was over by the TV about to turn it off, "No don't." she desperately yelled and raced over to turn the volume up.

The news reported that a high profile case had just been solved by the excellent skills of the Crime Lab in Vegas and a lot of the credit went towards Gil Grissom the resident Entomologist and supervisor of the lab.

Sara was smiling, but tears filled her eyes as well. Sam stared at her, "That's him isn't it?" he asked.

"What?"

"That's him, the father of your baby."

She looked down at her feet, her hand cradling her still flat stomach, "Yes." She said quietly.

He turned and walked towards the register, she followed, "I didn't sleep around."

He looked up at her, "I fell in love, I...I still love him. I understand if you don't believe me, you have no reason too. I mean the evidence is pretty bad, here I am a pregnant woman who has no husband and who has the worst love life ever."

"I believe you; Teresa helped me see that, I am just sorry that someone should have to go through so much pain."

"I don't need your pity."

"I don't pity you, I pity him. I pity him because he is going to be a father and doesn't even know it; I pity him because he can't even tell when someone loves him."

She remained silent, surprise showed in her eyes.

"But you are going to have to be careful, people will not be able to hear your story, they'll just see you and your child and assume just as I did. You are going to have to face a lot of criticism towards you and your child. Do you think you will be able to take that?"

"If I cared what people think of me, I would not have fallen in love with my supervisor who is fifteen years older than me."

"What about your child? Will you be able to take people looking down on it?"

"I don't know," she admitted, "But I won't let people break me down."

* * *

A/N: Review please, Sara's Secrets will be up soon this story just needed to be updated. Oh yeha and after this chapter things will be moving much faster becuase I cannot go day to day for the entire story because that would take forever. 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI blah blah blah

A/N: This chap is for Miranda 2 who kept reminding me I had this story. This chapter is diffrent because it does not talk about Sara too much but about Catherine and her struggles to keep the secret. Hope ya like

* * *

_a few months later_

Sara was worried at first when she told Catherine about the baby. Catherine wasn't exactly someone who could keep a secret. But as time went by Sara's fears became less and less. She wasn't in Vegas though; she never saw Catherine's struggles to keep it under wraps.

Grissom had always been a close friend to her and it pained her not to tell him about his unborn child, or where Sara was for that matter. Every time she heard one of the team talking about Sara, it just made Catherine's heart burst to tell. She eventually spilled her guts to her daughter, who was a very good listener. That worked for a while, but it was getting increasingly harder to keep it a secret from her friends.

Catherine sat in the Locker Room, various items laid out on the bench that she was putting back into her locker. Warrick was there too, he closed his own locker, and then he stopped and stared at something. Catherine turned and saw that it was Sara's old locker.

"What is it?" She asked.

"I still expect her to waltz right in here and get back to work." He sighed. "I wish I knew where she was."

Catherine remained silent; she hoped that he would leave soon, before her guilt returned.

"The guys and I were talking about it the other day, it was so strange that she up and left with out a word. What could have happened that caused her to do that?"

"I...I wouldn't know." I hate this she silently added.

"I mean she's been gone for...how long."

"Five months," Catherine whispered.

"And you'd think Grissom would do something, I mean he might have tried to hide his feelings to everyone but it was pretty obvious."

"I didn't realize you were so mad about that."

"Yeah well, sometimes I wonder that if he did something she would have stayed. Why didn't he do something?"

"Because he couldn't take the risk, well except for once." Oooops, that wasn't good.

"What do you mean once?"

She started throwing things in her locker now, trying to avoid the question.

"Do you know something?" he asked. A lie was on the tip of her tongue, but he turned her face so that she was staring into his eyes. Why did he have to do that? She couldn't lie, not when she was staring into his eyes.

"They slept together." She whispered.

"What!"

"It's a long story, to make it short, they slept together, he freaked. She was upset and hurt, so she left."

"How did you find out?"

"I found a letter Sara wrote to Grissom, Sara told me what happened and then after she left, I scolded Grissom for being the idiot he is."

"You mean you know where she is?"

"Yes," She said hesitantly.

"Where is she? Why didn't you tell us? Does Grissom know?"

"She's in Boston. She wouldn't let me tell anyone and no, Grissom does not know."

"She's been there the whole time?"

"Yes, but you can't tell anyone."

"Why?"

"She...she has her reasons."

Warrick turned her head to look at her again, "Are you telling me everything?"

"No," Catherine sighed, "You might as well know, Sara's pregnant."

Warrick just about fell on the floor.

"And yes to answer your next question, Grissom is the father."

"Whoa," He said still getting over the initial shock of learning that his friend is pregnant by his boss. "So she doesn't want him to know."

"No, she loves him and she believes that it would be worse if he found out that the _mistake_, his words, resulted in the conception of a child."

He chuckled, "What's so funny?" She asked.

"Well, knowing Grissom, he was trying to make sure she was happy, but instead he has made both of them miserable, its ironic really and not that funny but I'd rather laugh than take a swing at Grissom."

"You're right, Sara is different, I remember when she called me up crying because she had just found out she was pregnant. Hearing Sara feel so...lost... it really scared me."

"I'd like to see her again." He stated, then he sighed, "It's like...I don't know... a warning. Don't do something like that, if you take a risk you better go through with it or your life will be ruined."

"By risk, you mean a relationship with a co worker."

"I guess, but none of us here have to worry about that do we?"

Was that a double meaning, did he want her to take a risk. All of the flirting she had between Warrick, all of the dreams. Does that mean he shared them too?

"I don't want to end up like him." He said, "Never knowing what I had until he lost it."

You haven't lost me, she thought, but could she do this, was he waiting for her? There was only one way to find out. She reached up and tenderly caressed his face, and then she leaned in close.

"What are you doing?" he whispered.

"Taking a risk." She replied, and their lips met in a tender embrace.

* * *

Grissom was walking through the Locker Room doors when he saw the couple sharing their first kiss. He cleared his throat to get their attention and they jumped a mile in the air. But they saw him smiling.

"As much as I am happy for you to, I do have to remind you that you are on company time."

Catherine blushed, "Don't worry Griss, it won't happen here again."

He smiled, "That's good, now the sooner you two get back to work, the sooner you can leave and resume what you were doing."

He left them alone; it seemed like the right thing. He was happy for them but he was sad and jealous at the same time. They could do it, make this work between them and not screw it up like he had.

He hoped that they would last, and prove him wrong that interoffice dating didn't last. Thinking that sure hadn't made him happy and it had caused a lot of pain in his heart, driving Sara to leave. Had it been the best for them? He couldn't say. Did he want her to be happy? Yes, and he hoped somewhere she was.

* * *

Sara stood in her kitchen scooping some of her yogurt on to her spoon. A slight bulge was apparent on her stomach. She was idly flipping through a parenting book, when the phone rang.

"Hey I'm looking for Sara," Catherine's voice sounded from the phone.

"You got her," She smiled.

"How are you feeling?"

"Huge, you?"

"I feel light as a cloud."

"Ok, now you're teasing me."

"Sara, are you okay?"

"I'm fine; I'm just looking at some child rearing books."

"Why are you reading those?"

"Because I woke up a few days ago and realized that I had no idea how to raise kid."

"Sara you are good with kids, remember Brenda?"

"Catherine, you looked at me as if I was nuts!"

"Because you said you left her in the car!"

"I'm not that stupid, I know not to do that."

"You see, you can do it. I was just like you when I first had Lindsay; I had no clue what to do. But it all comes naturally, you'll see."   
"I hope so," She sighed, "What's going on in Vegas."

"Well..." Catherine started, "I uh...think I have a boyfriend."

"Really, who?"

"Warrick." She stated.

"Oh my gosh, I knew it. I knew you two liked each other, I just didn't know how to get you two together."

Catherine laughed but then she turned sober, "I uh...told him."

Sara stopped laughing, "Told him what?"

"About you, Grissom and the baby."

Sara froze, she didn't say a word and that caused Catherine to worry, "Sara, are you okay?"

"Why did you tell him?"

"Because I needed to tell somebody, he is reliable and well..."

Sara sighed, "I'll call you later, and I want to talk to him."

* * *

Sara dialed Warrick's number; she heard his familiar voice say "Brown."

"Uh... hi...Warrick."

"Sara, is that you?"

"Yes, I guess you haven't heard from me in a while."

"How are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just...feeling very large right about now."

Ohh... yeah... I forgot about that."

Silence settled between them, what was there to say?

"Umm Sara, are you planning on telling Grissom?"

She sighed, "I don't know what I'm planning on anymore, my life has gotten a little chaotic."

"I guess it has," he replied.

"So," she said in order to change to conversation, "I heard you and Catherine have finally stopped tormenting each other with your endless flirting and gave in to your feelings."

He laughed, "It feels nice to know for sure that she cares, but a little embarrassing for Grissom to catch us kissing." He stopped, "Oh Sara, I'm sorry..."

"I'm fine, how...is he?"

"Grissom? He's fine, same old same old, Greg still drives him nuts. But there is something different; he seems sadder much more zombie like." He paused for a minuet before adding, "I think he misses you."

A tear slid down her cheek and she angrily wiped it away, "I doubt that," she said, "He'd just think my returning was a _mistake_."

"Okay, lets change the subject, how are you doing in Boston."

She smiled, "I'll tell you all about it."

* * *

A/N: The chapter after next is when the baby will be born, review and the next one will be very soon 


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Do I have to write it?

A/N: I am sooooo sorry for taking so long. The server was down and my family was hogging the computer. And I have finals next week, I am praying to get a good grade in Geometry so cross your fingers. Any hoo, here is my next chapter which is dedicated to my best freind ICRepresentative that helped me see that this was a gret story, and speaking of good stories, check out her fic Desperate. It is really good, I just write the GSR fluff for her.

Oh and thank you so much avid fans because at last coudn I have 97 reviews for this fic, I love you guys

* * *

A proud feeling always comes when a goal is accomplished. That is how Sara felt when she had finished decorating the nursery in her new apartment. It had to be an apartment, she had pinched pennies in order to pay the rent but she had done it.

She was nearing the last few days before her due date and she felt the apprehension growing inside of her heart. She was ready to become a mother, and was worried about how good of a mother she would be.

She had made the decision to learn the gender of the baby, a girl. It had taken her days to come up with the right name. Teresa wanted Elizabeth, Catherine liked Rose, and Warrick liked whatever Catherine liked. Sara had decided on the name Callie.

When she was young, she had hated how her parents had named her Sara Sidle. The first letters were the same and if you said it fast it sounded like suicidal. She had wanted to be named Callie, she thought it sounded pretty. It seemed like the right thing to name her daughter that.

She was giving her Grissom's name. That decision wasn't nearly as hard. Teresa had told her that maybe if she named the child Callie Grissom, she should tell Grissom about his daughter. But she didn't. Her fingers ached to pick up the phone and dial his number. Tell him everything, but rejection fed into her heart as well, and she could never take his anger.

So she didn't tell him, didn't call him even though she fantasized it millions of times. Her life was in Boston now; that was what she decided; her whole life was growing inside of her and soon would be welcomed into the world.

* * *

"So what happened next?" Sara asked chuckling a little. She groaned as she settled on to the sofa, why oh why do pregnant women have to have a hard time getting around she wondered.

"Well the next part of Greg's wonderful field experience is of him being so excited about finding a bullet hole where the killing bullet was lodged, he ran and slipped on a puddle and went sliding into the pool." Catherine said, failing to contain her laughter.

Sara was laughing so hard, she could see it so perfectly, "How did the guys take it?"

"Oh, Nick and Warrick won't let him live it down; they keep asking him if he had a nice swim."

Sara started laughing again, "Anything else happen after…ow geez that hurt."

"What's wrong?" Catherine asked.

"Catherine, I have to go now."

"Wait Sara tell me what's…"

"Catherine I have to go…I, I think I'm in labor." She hung up and dialed Teresa's number. "Teresa, it's time hurry!"

* * *

Teresa opened the door to the apartment ten minutes later.

"What did you do, speed all the way here?"

"Pretty much." She said while helping Sara to her feet, "We have to get you to the hospital."

"Where are the kids?"

"I left them with my neighbor, nice old woman, you'd like."

"Arrgh," she screamed as another contraction hit her, "just take me to the hospital so I can have my baby."

The ride over was fast, but thankfully they weren't pulled over. Once they were admitted to a room, the nurse figured out how far along Sara was.

"You still have a few hours to go dear."

"Shut up," she screamed. But the woman wasn't fazed; she apparently got that a lot.

"Teresa, you have to call Catherine, I was on the phone with when it started and she is probably going stir crazy."

* * *

Sara's guess was right, at that time Catherine was at her home pacing when she should be getting ready for work. Warrick was there, he was taking the news of Sara's labor much more calmly.

"Cath, honey, you can relax, every woman goes through labor. You went through it."

"I know I just am. I was on the phone with her and…"

"She'll be fine. What are you worried about?"

"She is in labor with my best friend's child. A child he knows nothing about. He should be there with her, he should be the one pacing and I should be the one calming him down. But she is too stubborn to just call him up and tell him everything."

Catherine's phone rang just then, she dashed for it. "Willows."

"Hello, this is Teresa McCabe; I am a friend of Sara Sidle."

"I've heard of you, is Sara alright."

"As fine as a woman in labor can be. I'll let you talk to her." Teresa was about to hand the phone to Sara, but then saw how hard Sara was clenching the side of the bed. Instead she put the phone on speaker; she was not about to by a new cell phone.

"Hey Sara, are you all right?"

"How did you do it Catherine, how did you go through the pains of child birth?"

"Hey, when I was in labor they didn't have any pain killers to give me."

"I'm not on pain killers, and you had Eddie there holding your hand."

"Are you kidding me? He was across the street toasting to his son. You should have seen the look on his face when he came back and found Lindsey in my arms."

Sara started laughing which turned into a groan. "I hate this." She said through clenched teeth.

"Don't worry soon it will all be worth it."

* * *

Hours later, the doctors wheeled Sara into the delivery room. Catherine and Warrick were at the lab, trying to concentrate on their cases. It was pretty obvious their minds were elsewhere.

Catherine was walking towards Grissom's office when her cell phone rang, checking the caller ID she saw that it was Teresa's phone. She ducked into a closet in order to avoid any eaves droppers.

"Willows." She whispered.

"Callie Marie Grissom was born at 2:37, eight pounds five ounces." Teresa announced.

"That is so wonderful," Catherine exclaimed, "Is she there?"

"I am holding the most beautiful baby girl," Sara told Catherine as soon as she received the phone. "She is so gorgeous, like an angel." She said as she wiped away her tears of joy.

"Wow, Sara you have to send me and Warrick pictures, I really want to see her."

"I know," She sighed.

"You tired?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah," she replied.

"I'll go then, call me as soon as you can." She hung up, and then suddenly the door to the closet flew open.

There stood Greg with a confused and somewhat amused look on his face.

"What are you doing in there?"

"Uhh." Was all she could manage.

"Is Warrick in there with you?" He asked suspiciously.

"No," Now she was confused.

He grinned, "Can I get in there with you?"

"No!!!"

"Okay then," He closed the door leaving her inside.

He turned around and there stood Grissom looking extremely confused, "Catherine's in the closet," Greg said mater- of-factly.Grissom looked behind Greg to see Catherine stumbling out of the closet, "I don't want to know." Was he said before hurriedly walking away.

* * *

Miles away, Sara hugged her daughter one last time before setting her down in the little infant beds they had at the hospital. Closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep, there was only one word that described how she felt. Content.

* * *

Review p I am hoping to get a hundred, I love you all, and next chapter will come much sooner, cross my heart 


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